This informal CPD article ‘When a Child Can’t Come In: Understanding EBSA, Anxiety and the Call for Emotionally-Intelligent Schools’ was provided by Regina Riley, Founder of Adoniso, a training and development organisation committed to enhancing the quality of care for children and young people through emotionally intelligent, trauma-informed practice.
Across the UK, schools are facing a silent crisis. More children are refusing to attend, not out of rebellion or indifference, but because of overwhelming anxiety. This phenomenon, known as Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA), is growing at pace, particularly since the pandemic (2). Yet too often, it is misunderstood as bad behaviour, poor parenting, or simple non-compliance. EBSA is often not defiance but may reflect a nervous system in distress.
Children and young people experiencing EBSA are often in a state of chronic overwhelm. For some, school is a place of sensory overload, masked neurodivergence, unresolved trauma, or social exclusion. For others, the anxiety is rooted in perfectionism, bullying, attachment disruptions, or transitions. In every case, the behaviour is a communication: 'I don’t feel safe here.'
Understanding EBSA
The term ‘school refusal’ is increasingly unhelpful. It implies willful choice, when in fact many CYP (Children and young people) desperately want to attend but feel emotionally unable to. The body says no, even if the mind wants yes. This is not a matter of motivation, it’s a matter of emotional regulation and safety. A trauma-informed understanding of EBSA reframes the issue from 'How do we make them attend?' to 'What’s happening beneath the behaviour?'
Post-COVID, more children, especially those who are neurodivergent (4) are struggling to reintegrate into environments that feel rigid, overstimulating or invalidating. Research by the Children’s Commissioner (2023) (1) shows that persistent absence is highest among pupils with SEND, those in care, and those experiencing mental health challenges. The data is not simply statistical; it tells a story of deep relational disconnection.
How to support EBSA
Emotionally intelligent schools don’t treat attendance as an end in itself (1). They see it as an outcome of felt safety, belonging, and trust. They invest in relationships, nurture early warning signs, and hold space for children to return on their own terms. This doesn’t mean abandoning expectations; it means building a bridge between expectation and experience.
For staff, supporting EBSA requires training, patience, and reflective practice. It requires understanding the fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses and knowing that punitive measures can retraumatise. CYP in a survival state do not learn well. They require attuned adults who can co-regulate, not just instruct. Attendance policies must be underpinned by relational practice, not pressure.
Neurodivergent CYP often mask their distress to comply. When that mask breaks, it can look like refusal, when it is actually emotional collapse (4). Educators must learn to read beneath the surface to see the child not as a problem to be fixed, but a nervous system asking for safety. An inclusive school is not just one that adapts physically, but one that adapts emotionally (3).
Final thoughts
Emotionally intelligent education is not a luxury; it’s the foundation of lifelong learning. EBSA is a symptom of systems that have forgotten how to listen. The answer is not to enforce harder, but to connect deeper.
We must create cultures where children can say, 'I feel anxious,' and be met not with blame, but with support. Where parents are not seen as obstacles, but allies. Where staff are trained not only in curriculum, but in emotional literacy and trauma-informed practice.
When a child can’t come in, the question isn’t just, 'How do we get them through the gate?' It’s also, 'What is it about this gate that feels so unsafe?' Only then can we begin to build schools where every child can feel they belong.
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References
- Children’s Commissioner for England (2023). *Voices of Attendance: Listening to Children Missing from Education.* London.
- Department for Education (2022). Working Together to Improve School Attendance. London: DfE.
- NICE (2019). Social anxiety disorder: Recognition, assessment and treatment. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence.
- Milton, D. (2012). Double empathy problem': Implications for autism and school environments.
