This informal CPD article ‘When life doesn’t go as planned: Practical steps for handling disappointment’ was provided by OccuHealth & Wellness Services, an organisation whose goal is to improve employee motivation and output through the provision of effective, evidence-based, and cost-efficient Occupational Health services.
As the year draws to a close, it is common practice to reflect on the combination of achievements and setbacks we have experienced. The temptation to focus on setbacks and the attending feeling of disappointment can be hard to ignore. Some disappointments may be minor, while others may be so significant that they can interrupt our plans, challenge our confidence, or cause us to question our beliefs.
An age-old adage describes every disappointment as a blessing; it may be more practical to view each disappointment as a lesson; an opportunity to learn and grow. How can we handle disappointment in a healthy way?
PREPARING
1. Accept that disappointments are a part of life
Disappointments are a universal human experience and should not be ruled out even after meticulous preparation. Realizing and accepting that disappointments are inevitable may dampen the shock and lessen the suffering we go through when we encounter seeming setbacks. (1)
2. Have a backup plan
The presence of an alternative plan aka Plan B can allow us to approach life's challenges with reduced apprehension regarding potential failure. Preparing a “Plan B” is not pessimistic, it’s strategic, as it can prevent stagnation when things don’t go as intended.
RESPONDING
3. Acknowledge your emotions
Disappointment is often accompanied by feelings of sadness. However, a range of other emotions, such as anger, confusion, disbelief, hopelessness, shame, or even indifference, can also be present (2). It is generally advisable to allow oneself to experience these emotions without letting them become overwhelming (2).
Tip: If these emotions start to significantly interfere with your daily life, consider seeking support from a mental health professional.
4. Vent
Emotional expression is a healthy way to reduce internal tension. Research shows that expressing our emotions in safe and controlled ways such as talking to trusted individuals or writing in a journal, can improve emotional well-being (3). Conversely, chronic emotional suppression is linked to increased stress and poorer mental health outcomes (4). Other healthy outlets include crying, speaking with a counsellor, or using creative expression. Understanding what outlets are most effective for us is important.
5. Reflect on the experience
Reflecting on what went wrong and why it went wrong can help us to learn from our mistakes and may even save us from future disappointments. Principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) suggest that evaluating what happened including identifying contributing factors and considering alternative actions can enhance problem-solving and reduce the likelihood of repeating mistakes (5)."
6. Find sources of hope
Hope is associated with better coping and mental health. Engaging in faith-based activities, spending time with supportive people, enjoying hobbies, or revisiting past successes can strengthen optimism and improve emotional recovery (6).
7. Moving forward
Engaging in Behavioural activation (resuming meaningful activities even when motivation is low) can be helpful. This action-first approach has been shown to improve our mood and break the cycle of dwelling on the past (rumination) (7).
FINAL REFLECTION
A single disappointment can sometimes overshadow past achievements, making us vulnerable to self-doubt. This occurs because our brains tend to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones, a phenomenon known as “negativity bias” (8).
We can overcome this pattern by practicing self-compassion and acknowledging disappointment as part of the human experience. We cannot prevent disappointments, but we can control how we respond. We can acknowledge the pain, look for lessons, and choose to move forward.
We hope this article was helpful. For more information from OccuHealth & Wellness Services, please visit their CPD Member Directory page. Alternatively, you can go to the CPD Industry Hubs for more articles, courses and events relevant to your Continuing Professional Development requirements.
REFERENCES
(1) Folkman, S., & Moskowitz, J. T. (2004). Coping: Pitfalls and promise. Annual Review of Psychology, 55, 745–774. (Reference to emotion-focused coping and appraisal).
(2) Lazarus, R. S. (1991). Emotion and adaptation. Oxford University Press.
(3) Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science.
(4) Campbell-Sills, L., et al. (2006). Emotional suppression and maladaptive coping. Behaviour Research and Therapy.
(5) Beck, J. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond.
(6) Snyder, C. R. (2002). Hope theory: Rainbows in the mind. Psychological Inquiry.
(7) Martell, C. R., Addis, M. E. (2004). Behavioral Activation for Depression.
(8) Baumeister, R. F., et al. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology.
